11.8.17

Da-da's 2017 Back-to-School Fashion EXTRA-BO-GANZA


NONE of these people will ever get abducted... or they already were?

Nothing says "EVOLUTION-in-ACTION" like back-to-school fashion 2017. Talk about fin d'siecle. I suppose this could all be a reaction to people NOT wanting to be abducted by ETs or what have you, or perhaps they're so bored that they're one step away from weating old appliance boxes with arm-holes cut out. Anyway, here are Da-da's picks for 2017's most incomprehensible (and mostly male, since Da-da has boys) fashion that you hope you never see in person -- and especially hope no one in your family actually paid money for. What's most interesting is that it's getting more and more difficult for men to look *unintentionally* stupid: gene-pool removal seems to have become a conscious choice of late. Probably for the best. Anyway, here we go:


Psychoneurasthenia due to screen-induced tech-immersion and zombification is HOT this season, so clothing
that feigns musculature has become a rather predictable thing that must be destroyed. Similarly, that
'just-got-out-of-bed-and-HEY-i-brought-the-bed-with-me look is now sellable
to those with too much disposable income.

Disney trotted out their "Cast Member/Replicant 2045" look
for their new Illuminati BLACKOUT Monorail relaunch. Watch your step.

A similar tack has arisen for Disney Security, for all their cast members with
no shoulders and Cruel-Shoes fetish. Lots of room for neural network cabling, too.

Declasse/au naturel BOZO looks will be big in post-neo Common Bore classrooms.

 
IT Depts will be rife with BRUTAL BEAUTY in 2017. Nothing. Ever. Shanges.


In terms of mammalian male/female differentiation, as usual your guess is as good as your guess.
Special points for dressing like a Victorian bed pan in more historically minded school commons.

And of course, the disturbing LACK of testosterone is now so overly refreshing as to be atrociously floridly jejune.

Luckily, metaphysical symbolism will continue to flourish.

For those with no clear way forward, their way is now clear.

Mercifully, the manly-douche set will continue to be fully, if hirsutely, represented.

And then we have MORE drive-by floridity to water your inner-cochlear implant. Crowd goes wild.

Mannequins will be both optional & retro-slampadato, at least in the humanities.

A lack of hormones will finally become a celebration...

...as will the thrill of kissing the freshly embalmed cannonball-fodder set.


The need to impress will leap beyond all previous levels of bovine cotisuelto cliche. No, really.

Propagation of the 'big-pants-people' paradigm will continue...
at least until this generation rediscovers drapes.

It seems that historical misunderstandings will always be with us, this time due to a low-cranial-pressure zeitgeist.

Tangentially, the henchman-doof motif will finally get its five minutes of fame.

For younger latitudes, the 'petroleum jelly & chains' look continues to offer
a unique challenge to the eye-safety-challenged hermaphrodite.

Males as chromosomal vending machines remains a strong motif for 2017...

...while corporate-attorney wear downshifts into obvious territory.

Alas, the Red Death COLUMBIA is still taking in the tired masses
yearning to be free of the Red Death COLUMBIA...

...as is the trope hoodwinking of general slavewear...

...and whatever the hell this is supposed to be.


Finally, special fashion now exists for those 2017/2018 graduates starting job interviews
without pressure of ever getting a job-- and failing that, at least presenting a good body shield
for those inevitable rocks and bottles flying in from everywhere.

It's not so much a suit as a tort-barrier to gainful employment.

And with that, all the sponsoring Facebook and Google executives came out to bid a warm kummerspeck
to the confused bank holiday audience in attendance. An uneventful back-to-school to all.

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